Facing the Uncomfortable
So tomorrow, I am taking part in an author literacy event with a local school district. Actually, I am I guess what you would call the keynote speaker. Intimidating, yes. Even more so since my audience is mainly fellow teachers from this area. I’m so not good with crowds, but I know that I need to start pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. So, I created a cringeworthy presentation. (I say “cringeworthy” because anything where I feel like I am promoting myself to complete strangers makes me break out in hives.) I also put together some speaker notes: basically a simple outline of points to cover with each slide.
One thing I can talk about and am happy to share with others is my experience as a high school teacher. I love working with other educators, trading ideas, discussing best practices, swapping stories. That’s my jam. I am a collaborator and am eternally comfortable within the realm of the classroom. So, I’ve decided to focus on that aspect of tomorrow’s event, instead of the part where I have to talk about myself and my books.
My anxiety about this event brought to my attention again how uncomfortable I am marketing myself in any way. Why does it make me uncomfortable to speak about myself and what I have accomplished? I learned a long time ago that talking about yourself is arrogant. Telling people about your successes or accomplishments is bragging. But is it? I was asked by the coordinator of the event because she thinks it’s amazing that I am a teacher and a published author. Also, her husband loves my books, which they both tell me almost every time I speak with them, which is fabulously affirming. So, why should I be embarrassed to do exactly what I’ve been asked to do tomorrow?
I don’t think my discomfort is some kind of anomaly. Most people I run into, including my students, don’t like discussing themselves beyond a superficial level. And I have noticed that whenever I compliment my students on an achievement—winning a poetry contest, winning State, being named MVP, getting the lead in the local theater’s play—they more often than not downplay the achievement. I don’t allow them to do that. I tell them they’re awesome and they should be proud, not uncomfortable. I need to take my own advice.
I got into the realm of published author because my daughter challenged me about not pursuing my dreams when I was scolding her for giving up on her own without even trying. That was uncomfortable and terrifying but I succeeded. We all need to have faith that we are enough. We can achieve greatness and when we do, we deserve the recognition that comes our way. Don’t downplay your actions. Embrace the compliments. We all deserve it.