Sorry about the rant

So if you haven’t figured out from the title, this post is a bit of a rant on my part and I do apologize…sort of. Spoiler alert: I like to write. I like teaching. I overall like my life. What I can’t stand is social media. I want to write. Not worry about how many blog posts to do a week and how long they should be and where exactly I should advertise them. Not worry about if I’m using the right hashtags (which are pound signs, by the way. Apropos for the weight this part of writing places on my mental wellbeing.) Not wonder how many posts to make for the algorithm or what content to focus on for max appeal. While I have always been good with numbers, I hate math, always have. Not because it makes my head ache or is too confusing for me, but because I find it uninteresting. I love crafting new worlds and characters and stories in my mind and developing them on paper.

There is the good possibility that if I had known the humongous chunk of my life social media and marketing would play in my life before I tried to get published, I may well have not done it. It approaches self-destruct mode in the level of anxiety and stress that part brings into my life. I’d love to be able to do this without having to worry about a webpage or any kind of social media presence. Plus, I never seem to be able to keep up with the number of new platforms that keep popping up. Worse, I’m an introvert. I like my books and paper and own brain. I don’t seek attention. I thrive in the shadows—my safe place. This constant thrashing about in full view of complete strangers is often enough to shut me down; so, instead of posting, I’m like an old computer that is stuck on the rebooting screen—blank with that irritating circle of dots spinning in the middle of the screen. What do I post? Is it interesting enough to get a few likes? Will anyone see it? And will anyone care?

If I had the money, I could afford to pay someone to market my books, get them in front of more readers; but I don’t. My advertising is mainly whatever I can come up with and let’s be honest, I’m not really that good at advertising or using social media. Ninety percent of the time I talk myself out of a post as too silly, too personal, too dull, etc. Which brings me back to the crux of my rant: I want to write, not spend all my time and energy on marketing. This is a common problem for the indie and small press authors. I know I’m not the only one who can’t seem to get their books in front of readers and increase sales, especially when our marketing budget is limited. One person didn’t recommend Amazon ads simply because most maybe break even; so, you make the decision based on if you want to make money or try and increase your reader base. And sometimes you set a budget for your advertising campaign but Facebook or Amazon or GoodReads or whoever you use go over that budget without your consent. Read the fine print. If the cost is per person seeing your ad versus per person making a purchase, you could end up paying more for advertising than you budgeted. Or the advertiser may not turn your ad off once you hit your max budget because it was set to run for a certain amount of time, not until budget reached. Or there could be fees that you didn’t see because they were hidden in the massive legal jargon of the marketing proposal. (You shouldn’t require a law degree to guarantee you aren’t exploited.)

I want to write, but I have found that to be able to write, I have to also market/advertise, use social media, create and maintain a website, keep a handle on my anxiety, and keep up with everything associated with my teaching position; and I’m not the only one out there drowning in everything associated with publishing and carrying on a life outside of said publishing. It’s not easy and sometimes I don’t think it’s worth it. However, my daughter told me she’s proud of me; and I’ve started hearing from complete strangers, not just my students and colleagues, on social media. Most are supportive, which is fun. (I have developed a tendency to skim past the crappy and focus on the hearts. Probably not what is expected, but I slaughter the trolls in my stories. So, why would I give any thought or time to the internet trolls in my reality? Sounds a little hypocritical, don’t you think? Besides, the support is much better for my ego.)

I can’t say that I’ve solved my dilemma with this post, but I have come to realization. I don’t need to necessarily master everything social media or marketing to still feel successful and fulfilled with my writing. I can continue to write. I can continue to teach. Both I love. The rest? Well, as long as I make an effort, that’ll be enough for now.