Stillness is Not the Same as Silence

As an introvert, I have always been quiet and unobtrusive. Hiding in silence. Hoping no one notices me or draws attention to me. So, my silence wasn’t coming from a place of strength, but a place of fear, timidity. As I’ve grown and flexed my introvert muscles, I have begun to rise above that timid silence and be still. It’s a skill I have fostered and grown and still work on today; but I have learned that in stillness is boundless strength and power. It’s something Sylle is known to do as she watches her surroundings, learning and observing and helping herself make rational decisions. My stillness gives me a breather, a moment to stop and put my disordered thoughts in order, trample down unfounded fears, and listen to myself.

One of my favorite scenes from The Lost occurs in the Drengas throne room as chaos erupts around the small group of fighters from Helmfirth and Exulias. The elite Drengas warriors are in an uproar over their betrayal by one of their own, which is causing Tarin and others in his group to fear for their safety; but Sylle, Tarin notices, is simply standing silent amidst the tumult surrounding them like a solid fortress buttressed by a storm. She doesn’t seem fazed at all as she quietly surveys the chaos around her, observant and still. This enables her to deduce at least one of the culprits and come to a decision on how to proceed as safely as possible. I love this quiet stillness she exhibits. It’s not a weakness. It’s not indecision. It’s strength. It’s determination. It’s self-confidence. It’s power.

That’s what I have learned after years of searching for the shadows in which to hide from the world. I’ve learned that there is a difference between remaining silent out of fear—of being noticed, of saying or doing something embarrassing or wrong—and being still. Still to observe. Still to decide. Still to remain quiet within myself. My stillness has helped me to learn when to speak and what to speak. It has stopped me from saying something before thinking about it. And I have to say that I have learned a great deal about the people around me from being still.

I learned all this from Mac, my wolf growing up. He would often sit in the shadows or on the periphery and watch quietly. He perfected the art of being still, of observing and dissecting the world around him so that when he moved, it was with purpose and decisive. I marveled at that when I was a teenager because that was not who I was, but it was who I wanted to be. So, I wrote that trait into my character Sylle, but I didn’t just pass this trait along to Sylle. Queen Atheneal, Lady Sariel, and Hil also exhibit it. These women all use stillness as a part of their armor and use it exceptionally well. They know when to sit back and wait, when to move forward, when to guard their tongues, and when to speak out. Those are important lessons for anyone, and I learned them pretty well. Honestly, I still have a ways to go, but now my silence isn’t fear-based. It’s confident and strong. (At least, most of the time. Hey, I’m human, not a fictional character. I screw up just like everyone else.)