Finding my voice.

Yesterday, I gave my English students an assignment—a six word memoir. We had standardized testing today, so their memoirs are due tomorrow. They’ll present them in class, which I always love because it’s interesting to find out what six words students will boil their entire being down to. Some will go for the comedy, I know. I mean, we are talking about teenagers. Being serious or introspective or honest about themselves is uncomfortable. No one wants to open themselves up to the ridicule they seem positive will happen; so, they often try to get ahead of the hilarity—control it in a way—by creating the comedy first.

I understand that. I believe most of us understand. I feel that way with social media, especially the videos. I second guess myself every time I make a post and often, edit and edit and edit before putting something out there. Many times, I completely abandon the post and don’t post anything. I do find this blog easier. No pictures to take or create. No videos of me to overanalyze. Just my words, which are something I am quite comfortable with sharing at this point. Actually, I can imagine this as a sort of journal for myself, which takes the pressure off even more since I’ve been writing in journals since the second or third grade. It feels familiar and much safer.

I noticed that many of my insecurities about social interactions are mirrored in my novels. My characters share those traits with me in many cases, even the ones who appear the most together and confident. Take Sylle. She has faced incredible darkness and evil for the majority of her life, including the total destruction of her home and family and friends when she was just a child. She was created for the purpose of combatting Merilik and his horrific creations and has a power unlike any other within MithTerra. She is confident in her abilities, loved and/or respected by those around her, seemingly indomitable; and yet, as we see in the trilogy, Sylle has moments of doubt and anxiety. It’s proof that even the seemingly toughest, strongest, most fantastic amongst us still have moments of self doubt whether they will admit it or not. That’s a part of us all. How we face those doubts and concerns is the key to who we are, which brings me back to my assignment for my students.

I got to thinking what my memoir would be. What six words would I use? A sentence, a phrase, or just six adjectives. I do this every time I give this assignment. Here’s what I decided for this year: Guiding voices while finding my own.