Break time.
Ever since I started teaching, I have had the same conversation with countless people in varying iterations:
Them: What exactly do you do?
Me: I teach high school.
Them: That must be so nice getting all that paid time off.
Also them: I envy you, such a short work day.
Recently, I ran into an acquaintance while filling my car with gas (let’s not discuss that expensive endeavor) and pleasantries were exchanged. Job questions were obviously asked and it was mentioned that my school had just gone on Fall Break. There was a roll of the eyes “Must be nice” mutter and a return grimace smile from me. I hate how people just assume they fully comprehend the reality of my life. How arrogant. Obviously, the true reality of teaching is lost on most people. It’s similar to the myth of stay-at-home moms. You know the idea that all they do is lounge around the house eating bonbons all day. It has always irked me how strangers, acquaintances, even close friends and family members can just assume whatever they want about someone else. In essence, putting the world into boxes that fit their own personal beliefs.
My life isn’t easy. I don’t spend most of my days and weeks in leisure, and I’ve learned the hard way that assuming things, instead of being openminded and asking questions, only makes me the entitled idiot missing out on knowing and understanding and possibly befriending really interesting and great people. Or the opposite—letting someone into my life who has nothing but ill intentions because they fit a certain box in my head. The truth is we never know or understand who a person is just by what we assume. We have to open our minds, our eyes, and our mouths and observe, ask questions, and learn from the information we gather. You can’t just look at someone and say, “Well, I know exactly who you are.”
This idea of cataloging the world through our eyes alone and the mistakes that follow is a topic I see reflected in my books. Tarin’s misguided and often prejudiced ideas of what everyone else around him is thinking or meaning is a good example. One of my students told me he was such a frustrating character at times because he just assumed the worst in everyone. Kwin believing that Amarris would never love him because his “box” wasn’t hers so she’d never choose him. Even Syllé jumped to the wrong conclusion a few times when she let her past heartbreaks and pain influence her readings of a situation in her present. And in The Dead, Finn finds himself falling back into that darkness when he metaphorically slams a door on a possibility he is convinced will never make it into reality.
The point is we all live more through our eyes than anything else, which is often disastrous. As my beautiful job has taught me over the years as well as many horrific (because I still cringe over the memories) instances from my past, you have to find the truth no matter how uncomfortable or out of your realm of beliefs it might be. Walking around shoving everyone into the boxes your eyes and belief system have created for them might make the world seem right, but it won’t make it true. You have to rely on more than just your eyes and beliefs because once you start talking and asking questions and truly listening, you will definitely find your boxes no longer work. And that’s a marvelous thing.