Time
School has started back. In fact, we’re halfway through the term (only a few weeks left before our first three week break); and I have more to do in my day than I have time to complete. I constantly seem to hear the opening of “Time” by Pink Floyd with all those horrible alarm clocks ricocheting through my brain, an appropriate theme song for me at the moment. Tons of papers to grades, lessons to create and give, meetings to attend, students to counsel, deadlines to meet, emails to answer and send, pages to write, book signings to schedule, social media posts to create and post, family to try and be present with, instead of unintentionally ignore, meals to cook or shop for, bills to pay, parents to check in with, and if I am unbelievably lucky, an afternoon horse ride. The list of to dos grows way faster than the list of finished tasks and I seem to constantly be on edge, anxious that I’ll never get to everything. Instead, I feel doomed to run around trying to get things done, but am only succeeding in doing nothing even remotely well.
A friend mentioned the amazing benefits of an organization app…tried it…got told there aren’t enough hours in the day. I already knew that. So, I decided to try something new: learning to say no and not feeling guilty about carving out time for myself. The truth is I can make all the to do lists in the world, but they only feed my anxiety and guilt. Plus, there are some things more important like family and friends and mental health. So, I decided that no matter what, the early mornings are mine—a workout, coffee, the sunrise, Annie, and my journal—are non-negotiables. Going on a hack with Koko and my father after school at least three days a week are times I can’t afford to miss, especially since my father is 81 this year. Sitting with my journal for fifteen to twenty minutes at some point every day to let my mind unwind and my stories and thoughts out helps me reset and keep going. I feel I’m better in my classroom, which is better for my students; and I am truly blessed with some awesome kids this year. I can’t think of one of my classes that makes me cringe. Each group enters and I just get happy. Such amazing kids.
I think that’s the key—finding the joy to bring in the sanity. There will never be enough hours in the day and we will always say yes to more than we should. And I will probably keep hearing Pink Floyd’s alarm clocks blaring. But as long as I continue to remember to take a breath and reset, even if it’s only five minutes or thirty seconds in a day, I can ignore those alarm clocks, hit snooze, and snuggle in for some clarity.