When the Introvert tries to be social…
Recently, I have been doing a lot of extroverty things for my books and I can’t lie. It’s been stressful. So, I did the book fest in April and a local Con for authors, artists, and other fantasy/super hero-oriented vendors in June. I’ve been doing interviews for a couple online magazines as well as emailing different businesses about having events, setting up more book signings (next is July 25th at Fern and Fable Collective in Jonesborough), and trying (more like, spectacularly failing) to promote and connect via social media. None of these things feel normal or comfortable to me. I’m not a sharer. I’m someone who always makes social blunders—saying the wrong thing, laughing too loud and awkwardly, misunderstanding or misinterpreting. Anxiety inducing nightmares haunt me every time I go or get ready for an event, an interview, cold calling or emailing businesses about possible book events or carrying my books in their store. It’s nerve-wracking.
I’ve been told that it will get easier the more I put myself out there. I don’t know if that’s exactly true. I don’t think anything actually gets easier. Instead, it’s an opportunity to confront fear and, as my sister put it, “find a new facet of yourself.” Well, I’ve definitely discovered several new facets of myself. My stress/anxiety sweat is not pleasant. I often blank during conversations and can’t remember anything or large portions of what was said. For example, my first Daytime TriCities interview—I did it, left set, got into my car, and realized I couldn’t remember anything I’d actually said on camera. I am exceptionally creative at avoiding the emails, phone calls, event applications and social media posts with a hearty promise to myself to address everything tomorrow. I just don’t exactly make it clear when that tomorrow will be. I have also found that I can enjoy meeting people and learning their stories, and I seem to be pretty decent at that, surprisingly. And luckily for me, I’ve been meeting truly amazing and kind people at my various events. That’s a help.
Am I confronting my fears, though? Or am I just sitting inside my anxieties? Am I changing, developing, learning at all? I don’t know. I’m probably doing all of it in some way but I don’t feel the events are getting easier. Everybody gives me advice on how to handle the stress, including breathing exercises. Yeah, haven’t really worked beyond making me feel weird and uncomfortable. What exactly is “inner zen” anyway? If any of you know how to find that, keep it to yourself. I’m done with everybody else’s solutions and just going to continue pushing through. That’s what works for me. Or at least, doesn’t give me hives and hammer my blood pressure. Both bonuses in my mind.
I think that’s the key to dealing with anxiety and stressful situations. Do what works for you, not the latest self help trend that someone saw on TikTok or Reels. My routine is mainly journalling to focus on something other than all the people wandering around—which has actually brought people to my table interested in what I’m writing. Nice perk. I also get up periodically and wander the event, letting my mind drift over others’ work and engage in someone else’s talents. It breaks the stress up into manageable moments. Then, I head back to my table, open my journal, and continue writing my next story. Fantasy worlds have always been my escape.